nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This baby is an asshole
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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