Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
