I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
