You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
