paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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