I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
