We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
