your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
