I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
