I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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