remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Small penises have feelings too.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
