i don't like sucking hair
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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