pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
