she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
