Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
