I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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