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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.

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• (631): View more from New York

  If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.

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• (914): View more from New York

  I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man

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  17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court

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• (714): View more from California

  when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Well... this vagina won't eat itself

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.

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  These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.

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• (949): View more from California

  Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.

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