I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
