That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
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I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special