she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dating After Heartbreak
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"