Texts From Last Night

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  (305): View more from Florida

  why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?

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  (305): why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do? http://tfl.nu/hnao
  Replies (18) Good night (682) Bad night (5758)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier

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  (703): positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier http://tfl.nu/y4xr
  Replies (8) Good night (2151) Bad night (3983)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.

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  (916): day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome. http://tfl.nu/5c0j
  Replies (10) Good night (6141) Bad night (1177)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?

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  (303): At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea? http://tfl.nu/yszl
  Replies (6) Good night (3297) Bad night (955)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here

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  (513): successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here http://tfl.nu/y491
  Replies (17) Good night (4053) Bad night (839)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise

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  (408): Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise http://tfl.nu/iazs
  Replies (11) Good night (5184) Bad night (825)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Why do you have to go to the hospital?

  (407): View more from Florida

  I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me

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  (321): Why do you have to go to the hospital? (407): I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me http://tfl.nu/224u
  Replies (7) Good night (920) Bad night (1878)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Did it finish?

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  (203): You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified. (508): Did it finish? http://tfl.nu/ahm8
  Replies (4) Good night (3018) Bad night (894)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel

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  (323): I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel http://tfl.nu/ythu
  Replies (5) Good night (1458) Bad night (565)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.

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  (781): You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe. http://tfl.nu/3tsh
  Replies (3) Good night (488) Bad night (948)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.

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  (570): Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear. http://tfl.nu/m0op
  Replies (14) Good night (2007) Bad night (541)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal

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  (651): Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal http://tfl.nu/k2ew
  Replies (5) Good night (1093) Bad night (472)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.

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  (305): As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive. http://tfl.nu/jsq2
  Replies (6) Good night (1003) Bad night (376)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.

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  (973): You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch". (908): That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch. http://tfl.nu/oi97
  Replies (2) Good night (732) Bad night (344)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.

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  (586): What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents. http://tfl.nu/qe34
  Replies (2) Good night (675) Bad night (329)

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