i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
