mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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