Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize