i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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