consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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