either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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