Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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