she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
