She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize