he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
