she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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