I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
