Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
