I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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