Jerry, you need to find god
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
