ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
