I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
