He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize