i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
