Banned from zoo.
Again?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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