We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
