Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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