I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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