I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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