Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
