Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
