there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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