I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
