When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
