I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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