Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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