I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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