just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
