similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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