There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
