I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
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im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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