I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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