I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
