This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
