All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
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