So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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