4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
