I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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