My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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