who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
nutella sex= disaster
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
