I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
