We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
