plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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