belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
