soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
