Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
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why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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