Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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