she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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