your parents love me but you hate me
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
