Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
