Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
