I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
