she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
