we have pet lesbian snakes
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
