So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
