All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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