im about as happy as oj after his trial
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
